Solitary Lives and the Holidays

If you are solitary, whether by choice or not, this time of year is difficult.

If by choice you are annoyed by all the social pressure for couple-ness from the ads for jewelry and the invitations to parties wherein you are the fifth or nineth wheel to children seemingly everywhere. It becomes irritating.

If by circumstance not of your own making (such as widowhood) you just want to curl up a cry.

Lately I've been on the crying end of the spectrum.

You see, for two short months I was happy. Blissfully so in what was developing into a nice and fun relationship until the male in question scared himself somehow and ran for the emotional hills as fast as his frat-boy legs could carry him. If I had been pushy I would understand. But I let him set the pace, and it was he not I who wanted to go away for the weekend. So we did. Had a fabulous time. He got back, freaked out and did the "it's not you, it's me" dance right on out the door.

Now after 13 years of solitude I had gotten used to the concept if not the fact of being alone. Thanks to "him" I now feel like an addict who has fallen off of the proverbial wagon and has to go through withdrawal all over again.

I miss being happy more than I miss him. I miss the feeling of possibilities, of thinking that Christmas was going to actually be fun because he has two small kids that it would be fun to watch experience the season. Now I sit alone on my couch watching stupid movies on TV like "Bridget Jones's Diary" and wondering how I ended up being so pathetic. He still has the kids, he still has whatever he wants out of his life and me... not so much.

No, the solitary life the whole "party of one" thing doesn't blend well into the American notion of the holiday season. No Norman Rockwell-esque joy here. There was no large brood around my Thanksgiving table. Just me and my mother. And 3 cats. Can't get a whole lot more pathetic than that when you're over 40.

There should be something, some tradition that we solitary souls can enjoy without feeling pathetic or lonely or somehow left out and forgotten. Maybe someone needs to come up with something. Any suggestions?

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