Musings on a Life
Fifteen (15) years ago on March 11, 1995 I was in Fort Worth Texas feeling very agitated and not knowing why. I needed to go home, I needed to go home right away I just knew it. But my flight wasn't until the following morning.
I kept calling home and got no answer, over and over. Finally in the evening I called my in-laws thinking he might have gone there for dinner, they hadn't seem him all day nor heard from him either.
The news came several hours later from his little sister (she was gone too a short time afterwards) when she called to tell me he was gone and that his dad had gone to find him and did find him in the bathroom. He had fallen in the tub and drowned. Ironic because one of the few fights we had (repeatedly) was over the need to use a bath mat in the tub so a person would not slip and fall. I was for it, he thought it unnecessary. You see, martial artists don't need bath mats. Especially those in their mid-thirties and in great shape. Clearly he was wrong. Someday I will be able to tell him so.
On the Ides of March there was a funeral. The first one I had ever attended and there I was up front greeting people at my husband's funeral. A voice in my head that day, his voice, laughed and in a very bad stage voice said "beware the ides of March".
On March 15, 2010 he will have been gone fifteen (15) years. He died fifteen (15) years after I met him. He will now be gone the same length of time that I knew him. We met in May of 1980 doing summer theatre at Illinois Central College. The only time I ever blew my lines was when our eyes locked as he walked into the theatre and I saw him for the first time.
There are lightning bolts that hit you. You can just "know" when you meet someone. Deep inside you just know it is for real and forever. I knew. Twelve (12) years later it finally sunk into his thick skull, the following summer he proposed and a year later we were married and then in six months he was gone.
He was talented in theatre and in writing and so very, very smart. Magna Cum Laude smart. Kappa Phi smart. Loved music and loved to mix soundtracks to accompany our writing. Had a laugh that could light up the world and the bluest eyes ever. As if the summer sky had come to rest in them. Never seen eyes that blue before. Perfect opposite to my large nearly black eyes. Given to big gestures, overly dramatic at times.
An environmentalist with a huge heart. Aggravatingly smug and self-important at times, made it all the more fun to poke holes in his ego. He was in a lot of musicals but he never sang for me. That I regret. I wish we could have sang together. I wish we could have had children together. I wish a lot of things. I regret very few. Married only a short while, we were best friends for a very long time, on-again, off-again lovers... I had him for fifteen (15) years.
He appreciated my mind, my wit and my sense of self. He called me Chief and teased me that we should play "Hail to the Chief" as I came down the aisle. Sometimes he called me Sweet Thing but mostly it was Chief. We complemented each other and yet were very much alike in temperament - in fact I was the calm one, the contained one which was funny because I wasn't known for that in my family.
I will have him in my heart forever. Pour Toujours
I kept calling home and got no answer, over and over. Finally in the evening I called my in-laws thinking he might have gone there for dinner, they hadn't seem him all day nor heard from him either.
The news came several hours later from his little sister (she was gone too a short time afterwards) when she called to tell me he was gone and that his dad had gone to find him and did find him in the bathroom. He had fallen in the tub and drowned. Ironic because one of the few fights we had (repeatedly) was over the need to use a bath mat in the tub so a person would not slip and fall. I was for it, he thought it unnecessary. You see, martial artists don't need bath mats. Especially those in their mid-thirties and in great shape. Clearly he was wrong. Someday I will be able to tell him so.
On the Ides of March there was a funeral. The first one I had ever attended and there I was up front greeting people at my husband's funeral. A voice in my head that day, his voice, laughed and in a very bad stage voice said "beware the ides of March".
On March 15, 2010 he will have been gone fifteen (15) years. He died fifteen (15) years after I met him. He will now be gone the same length of time that I knew him. We met in May of 1980 doing summer theatre at Illinois Central College. The only time I ever blew my lines was when our eyes locked as he walked into the theatre and I saw him for the first time.
There are lightning bolts that hit you. You can just "know" when you meet someone. Deep inside you just know it is for real and forever. I knew. Twelve (12) years later it finally sunk into his thick skull, the following summer he proposed and a year later we were married and then in six months he was gone.
He was talented in theatre and in writing and so very, very smart. Magna Cum Laude smart. Kappa Phi smart. Loved music and loved to mix soundtracks to accompany our writing. Had a laugh that could light up the world and the bluest eyes ever. As if the summer sky had come to rest in them. Never seen eyes that blue before. Perfect opposite to my large nearly black eyes. Given to big gestures, overly dramatic at times.
An environmentalist with a huge heart. Aggravatingly smug and self-important at times, made it all the more fun to poke holes in his ego. He was in a lot of musicals but he never sang for me. That I regret. I wish we could have sang together. I wish we could have had children together. I wish a lot of things. I regret very few. Married only a short while, we were best friends for a very long time, on-again, off-again lovers... I had him for fifteen (15) years.
He appreciated my mind, my wit and my sense of self. He called me Chief and teased me that we should play "Hail to the Chief" as I came down the aisle. Sometimes he called me Sweet Thing but mostly it was Chief. We complemented each other and yet were very much alike in temperament - in fact I was the calm one, the contained one which was funny because I wasn't known for that in my family.
I will have him in my heart forever. Pour Toujours
Comments
I was moved to respond, but am a great failure with words. May God bless you, today and always.
Doug Tabor