The weekend will be here soon - not soon enough for most of us I wager, me included. So that got me thinking about having a social life and why it seems rather difficult after a "certain age" to achieve.
Disclosure - I have been single since 1995. I became single not by choice but by Fate. Prior to that I had been in a relationship on and off with the same guy since 1980. We got married in 1994, he died in 1995 and that was that.
So over the last couple of years I have finally felt like exploring the possibilities. Here's what I have found... men over the age of 40 seem to think they are 16 and "have to have it" right away. There's something called a "third date rule" that doesn't apply to not kissing the guy until the third date but actually means one is expected to sleep with him on/by the third date. Hello! Even in an over-exposed, social media driven world I don't know enough about someone by the third date to share my french fries let alone my bed.
There also seems to be an assumption that women over 40 who have been single for a significant period of time must be "desperate" and will gladly, gleefully be SO grateful for the attention we will give in almost at once. Nope. Not this woman. I was never "fast" before, am not going to be now. The ladies in my family are long-lived, I've got plenty of time.
And boys... I am also a techno-geek you CAN be replaced by technology. To quote the Pussycat Dolls "I don't need a man to make it happen".
See I met this guy, we chatted a few times at this event or that. He got up the nerve (his words) to ask me out. We went out a few times. Friday before last I felt pushed beyond my comfort zone and said this was "all new and weird for me" to which I got the response that it wasn't "weird, it was natural" and to just ask my friends. I said no and he left and I haven't heard from him since.
So I needed to slow down. Big whoop. I thought he was likable. We did need to talk about the sloppy kisses that really did not do a thing for me, but that would have been fixable... maybe. If he respected me, wanted to spend real time with me this would have been fine. Apparently, like many 16 year olds he was after "one thing" and when I didn't comply, he vanished.
Oh sure, "his loss" yadda, yadda, yadda... but I have to wonder if this is what women have to deal with when dating at this point in life. Isn't it bad enough that we spend high school and college setting boundaries (or not), discovering who we are, what we will put up with and how far we're comfortable with going and how fast we want to get there? Now we have to re-educate these idiot males who apparently did not get the message 20 to 30 years ago? Or if they did get the message then, they have a memory loss issue and need to be told all over again, what is up with that?
I for one do not have the patience I once had with all the game playing and crap. I know who I am now, am comfortable in my own skin and will not be pressured into doing something I am not ready to do or maybe even want to do. So I am left to wonder if there are men out there who respect that, want a woman like that and are just as respectful of themselves to be okay with a slower dance.
I hope so.
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