Just 'Cuz You're Online is No Excuse for Bad Behavior

Somewhere along the line we all had an adult (or two) in our childhood who gave us a very simple life lesson: "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". This went hand in glove with the axiom known as The Golden Rule: "treat others as you would wish to be treated" or at a basic level: "be nice" and practice "good manners". These lessons make for a polite society. 

"Polite" doesn't have to mean bland, it doesn't mean we can't have lively discussions and differences of opinions. It doesn't mean we have to like everyone we work with or come in contact with ... but it does mean respect.

"Respect" means although we may disagree I have a right to my opinion and you to yours and I respect your opinion. I don't have to agree with it. I can state my opinion and trust that you respect me enough not to stomp all over it, call me names, make threats, point fingers, try to bully me into your way of thinking, or even do me physical harm. We can have a discussion, state our opinions and beliefs clearly, explain our reasoning and agree to disagree ... respect. For the person, for the position they may hold, for their beliefs. No one is required to like that person, position or belief but as a mature human being one is expected to behave ... well, like a mature human being. 

Apparently online all of the above has been gleefully thrown out the window. 

Don't get me wrong. This is not a rant on the evils of technology. I am a geek. I have been infatuated with computers since the days of punch cards and FORTRAN (which had been around in the scientific community since the 1950s but were still all new to this coed in the early 1980s). I have been taking things apart to see how they worked since the fourth grade. 

I love tech! I despise bad manners, however.

Therefore I am feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions over what I see more and more online. Facebook in particular. A person can post a photo, or link to an issue or just make a comment and WHAM!! the "haters" jump all over the poor soul. Doesn't matter if it is a political message, a faith based message, a business decision .. whatever. Heaven forbid you don't agree with the majority out there. You will be bullied. You will be threatened. You will be called everything but "nice". Heck you can be ridiculed for being correct by people who apparently didn't pass their fourth grade grammar tests (that's always fun).

Why? Because it is easy. 

It is easy to hide behind the electronic device. Miles away, secure in the knowledge that they don't have to look you in the eye and say it to your face. That makes it okay, they think. Okay to call a teenage girl a slut or a teenage boy a fag ... to say hateful things. It makes it okay to trash a person's reputation. To threaten someone. To stomp all over their beliefs because you don't worship where and how they do. People are losing the ability to converse face to face, no one seems to know how to behave offline, let alone online. 

I try to ignore a lot of what I see and not comment when I don't agree because often nothing I say will make a difference. Time and time again I am tempted to "unfriend" someone because I am tired of the negativity but I don't because they have a right to their opinion. Sorely tempted! Negativity coming at you from all sides is exhausting and in our current culture it is EVERYwere.

If you don't agree with me, don't bash what I've posted (or me!), do what I do ... don't comment. I've learned the hard way that NOTHING can be said in the guise of a thoughtful discussion online no matter the topic. My opinion may be different from yours regarding gun control. Doesn't mean I haven't a right to that opinion and it certainly doesn't give you the right to bash me for it. My political perspective may be different than yours, doesn't mean I'm "insane". It also doesn't mean that all persons of that faith, that political party, that race, that nationality are all alike and therefore all to be despised. Good grief! Gross generalizations are just that: gross. They are also disrespectful.

We've had political leaders I didn't like but I still respected the office they held. When did people stop doing that? You don't have to like the person to respect the office. So you didn't vote for him/her and he/she got elected anyway, get over it. It goes on and on.

There is too much misinformation that hasn't been source checked - even from media outlets - that people are believing because as the joke in the insurance commercial says "they can't put it on the Internet if it isn't true". We still believe that if we read "in the paper" and now "online" it must be true because someone checked the facts. Newsflash!! Media outlets don't have teams of fact checkers any more. They have a 24/7/365 newscycle to cope with - that doesn't allow for diligent fact checking before you run the story. Do your own fact checking the world is literally at your fingertips. Make your own fully informed decision and then discuss it rationally, respectfully with someone. Everyone's knowledge increases when we engage in thoughtful discussion. I am not seeing much "thoughtfulness" online.

So we believe whatever sound bite and supposed quote we come across then we hide behind our electronic devices and beat each other up with our opinions because we're right. And if we're right, they're wrong and it is okay for us to tell them they are wrong in the nastiest way possible because there are no repercussions. 

Yes there are repercussions ... civility, manners, the things that make for a polite, civilized society - the things you were taught (one hopes) as a child - die a little bit each day. And with those tiny deaths so dies our civilization.