Reinvention or No Idea What I Want to be When I Grow Up

So what do YOU want to be when you grow up? 

I have no idea either. 

I should since technically I am in the midst of that dreaded condition known as "middle age". But nope, I haven't a clue.

I've had a variety of jobs since turning 15 - delivered newspapers, worked retail, clerical work in a legal office, broadcasting.... yadda, yadda, yadda. Through it all I still haven't found my "calling".

Which begs the question.... is the concept of a "calling" a myth? A lie we tell ourselves? Do we strive to reinvent ourselves because we can't find our "calling" or because we are just plain bored?

I'm not bored. That much I do know for certain. I'm too busy to be bored. Burned out maybe.

I am not happy with my life whatever the reason. Work isn't as satisfying as it should/could be. Eight years ago (nearly nine) I embarked on a new path - set out to find a new career. And I found one. I was excited. I was looking forward to it and I jumped right in. 

It hasn't been pretty. It has rarely been rewarding. It has been amusing from time to time but mostly it has been painful. So I guess you could say the experiment failed. Oh I am good at what I do. But the stress level, the bullshit (regulatory lunacy and crazy employee tricks to name a few items) and all that goes with it just aren't worth it. I tried it, I gave it my usual 110% but... I realize that this could merely be the setting and not the career. I may have just picked the wrong places in which to practice this, well "calling". 

But there is no time to find enjoyment elsewhere outside of the office environment. I have no time to write, to paint, to join a class or a club or anything. Let alone time to take care of my mother during her illness. I don't care for that one bit. I even have a stack of coloring books I barely have time to play with.

I do miss the creative aspect of my former career. I miss writing. I miss putting together commercials and PSAs, doing newsletters, interviewing interesting people ... telling a story. Isn't life all about stories anyway?

So how do I "reinvent" myself to capture the missing creativity, help people/solve problems and (ideally) support animals and the environment? After all those are my passions: storytelling, problem solving, animals and the environment.

I have no freakin' idea. But I'm working on it. 

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