Pawprints From Space

I may be repeating myself but it bears repeating... We've all seen the news reports. Black persons dying in custody or being shot or injured by police officers. The Black Lives Matter movement ( #BlackLivesMatter ) interrupting political rallies or matching in the streets. The response of All Lives Matter only serving to upset those trying to make a point with Black Lives Matter. I am appalled by what I am seeing, horrified even. But the really unnerving thing is: I really do not understand. I do not understand why after all this time, this nation is still struggling with and denying racial prejudice. Why can't we move beyond this stupid - apparently ingrained - dislike/hatred/fear of anyone who looks/acts/believes differently than "we" do? Toddlers do not come with built-in hate of someone with a different skin color. They seem fascinated by it at first then rapidly get over it and move to playing and giggling. They roughest thing they get into is that-t...

Every day a little more of my mother is gone. She doesn't have dementia but she is so frightened that she is fading away anyway, giving up. This is a woman whose automatic response is the glass is not only half empty, it is broken on the floor in a thousand pieces. She has no confidence. She has herself convinced that she is no longer capable of doing anything. Yet the "funny" thing is that she does not want to take a cognitive test for driving ability because she is afraid "they" will take away her license. She can drive just fine. I have ridden with her and haven't seen any problems. The root of this current situation lies in our trip to see her sister in June. She saw Aunt Theresa and how far she has slid into her Alzheimer's and Mom has herself convinced that this is what is happening to her. It is not, but you can't tell her that... she will not listen. This is the same woman, after all, who had herself convinced that she was going ...

For those who think that answering questions is easy, no big deal, try doing that for two hours straight when your brain is bound and determined to undermine anything and everything you are trying to say. That's what Mom experienced yesterday. We drove almost two hours to OSU Wexner - Martha Morehouse Tower, 7th Floor neurology clinic - and for two hours she answered cognitive testing questions and I answered questions about her emotions, state of mind, depression and anxiety for the both us (yes, I am in therapy but that's another story) and set parameters of what she might/should remember over the last month plus questions about her emotional health/state of mind. Then there is nearly the two hours drive back to Lima. I actually fell asleep while driving back. For about 3 seconds. I don't think she noticed. At least I hope not. So we pulled off in a rest area outside of Bellefontaine so I could take a 20 minute power-catnap. I can do that, I realize a lot of peo...

Tomorrow is visit #1 for the clinical trial Mom has been accepted into in Columbus. To save my sanity, what's left of it (thank you kitties), I am going to blog my way through this journey. The study is being conducted by Merck . The drug in question (MK-8931 aka SCH 900931) is designed to treat Alzheimer's rather than Primary Progressive Aphasia , which Mom actually has - but PPA is rare (approximately 40,000 nationwide in 2013). And her sort isn't too common within that group being the logopenic variant . There are a limited number of research centers in the U.S. that are even looking at PPA. Northwestern in Chicago is the closest. Mayo Clinic is another and UC San Francisco is the third. That's pretty much it, so nothing nearby. And since PPA is rare, the research money goes to the greater "need", the larger population base. I understand that, it makes a kind of mercenary sense - it's good business. But despite my understanding the way things ...

So you want to volunteer for something, for some organization. It is a cause you are passionate about. You live it, you breathe it and you have tons of experience in an area that they can use. Before you jump in with both feet, all bright and shiny... stop and think. Volunteering is a lot like the office - there are politics. If you think for one minute that everyone is going to get along, that everything will be all sunshine and togetherness for the cause that's really nice Pollyanna but you're kidding yourself. People who are passionate about things are also very protective. Of their turf, their contributions, their ... whatever. It should be all about the cause (fighting cancer, saving whales/puppies/seals, etc.) but many times it isn't. If you're competent and you make something look easy and it is a something that gets attention in some way - someone will want to take that away from you because you seem to be having fun and getting all the attention.  ...

I think it is fairly safe to say that most of us are bad at one thing, the same thing in fact - especially if we are female, more so if we are female and over the age of 40. We are bad at taking care of ourselves. I have to try to learn to do this ... no, more than try I have to learn to take care of myself and apply that learning every single day. Talk about Mission Impossible. Like many my age, I am becoming the caregiver for my aging parent. A parent with a degenerative brain disease that there is no treatment for, little research being done about and is pretty rare. It is called primary progressive aphasia . This disease is stealing my mother's use of language. Her speech, her ability to write - all of it. It attacks the language center of the brain, sets up house and settles in. It is related in pathology to Alzheimer's so the going though is well let's treat it with the same meds ... not helpful. Pretty useless in fact. And, get this, she wasn't sick enoug...

I miss writing. Maybe you miss reading what I write. Maybe not. I only have 2 actual followers for this blog through the page itself so perhaps NO ONE is out there reading this... of course if I cross-post to Facebook people can read it there without having to "follow" the blog itself. Isn't that cheating?  I was "chatting" with an old friend the other day about blogging and becoming a professional blogger. Face it, 2 - count 'em 2! - followers is hardly a roaring endorsement of the potential here. But we also talked about having a theme. I sort of do... or thought I did. Space. Cats. Pawprints From Space. Yet mostly this is a place to rant about life, the universe and everything. Oh wait "the universe" that's SPACE!! But I digress (which was once a wonderful column in the Comic Buyer's Guide by the marvelous Peter David. I wonder if it still is?), a theme, a focus, a purpose.... or just say what the hell and be me. You kno...

In a word: ARGH In today's world given the prevalence of social media and how easy it is to connect, many feel compelled not to simply connect but also to criticize, berate, be hateful, nasty and so on. It is far easier to be a snarky jackass online when you don't have to look the other person in the eye and say it to their face. It is far too easy to bash what others believe in, feel entitled to jump to the conclusion that no one other than you has any idea what the hell they are doing. You can insult, bully, harass and badger to your heart's content. You can spew hate every which way and cast your political views far and wide all while taking the holier than thou path to your own personal view of salvation and the hell (literally) with anyone who dares to disagree. It is also far too easy for the generous and kind-hearted to get sucked in by people pretending to be a friend when in actuality they are nothing more than a parasite looking to take advantage of s...

There have been changes. They are still painful and wounds will take time to heal. I like to think I will be able to extend forgiveness but I will not forget and there are certain folk I will never trust again. And that is sad.   When you give your heart and soul to something, at the expense of yourself no less, and work for over four years to improve conditions, perceptions and so forth only to have the very people you brought in to help because of their talents and skills only to have those same people turn on you and demand your departure ... it hurts.   And you worry.   You worry about what will happen and already in less than a month you can see the backsliding happening. You see the drop off in social media presence for example - down by 60% on the Facebook page stats. Why? Because one thing you used to do (as a volunteer mind you!) was keep the message in front of the public. You spent hours every night on the computer keeping on top of messaging....