Pawprints From Space

In February I wrote about gun violence.  It's August. In the last seven days there have been four more mass shootings. Not to mention various outbreaks of gun violence in cities where not enough people were killed/wounded at once to earn the adjective "mass" to the event in question. When will enough truly be... enough? In February the US House passed legislation for background checks ( HB 8 The Bipartisan Background Check Act ). The bill passed 240-190 and had 232 co-sponsors. There are 3 related bills in play. Including the Senate version of HB 8, SR 42.  SR 42 the Background Check Expansion Act has been read twice and placed on the calendar for consideration ... in March. Where it has languished. Mitch McConnell the majority leader has refused to bring the bill to the floor for a vote.  The summary (which is identical to that of HB 8) states that the bill establishes new background check requirements for firearm transfers between private parties (that is u...

It's been a year of change and upheaval since my last post. A year of uncertainty. A year of pain. With the decline and passing of my mother the world flipped inside out. The job I took in order to be able to care for her was not a good fit to begin with - it was a return to a place I had left over a decade before and it hadn't changed in that time. But it was a godsend and necessary at the time. It is no longer necessary. And so I will be returning to retail. To a Fortune 500 company that treated me well and appreciated my work ethic and skills. There is a stigma with working retail though. The assumption that people who work in retail are somehow unskilled, or even stupid. Considering the financial possibilities, the opportunities for advancement, and that assumption is ridiculous. I have two masters degrees. I have over 10 years experience in human resources and even more in communications. This company appreciates those credentials. When I was there (under unfortuna...

In the wake of another shooting at yet another school, I can't help but wonder when will this nation wake the hell up and get real? When will our national conversation on such events stop being about whether we are conservative or liberal, gun-owners or non-gun-owners, Republicans or Democrats and start being about how to stop this insanity? Now I don't use the word "insanity" to disrespect anyone with mental illness. As I was reading today in an article, of course we assume that anyone who would shoot up a school and kill children MUST be nuts. It's the only way we can console ourselves that these things are not who we are as a nation. Wake up people, it has become who we are. Plenty of theories abound but one seems to ring true for me. Maybe it isn't the sole reason, or even the primary one but let's think about it for a moment... Desensitization. If you were at all paying attention to the news WAY back in the 1980s groups of parents were all co...

Why is it always about money? Why can't it be about caring, compassion, and/or need? Why does our society look at the ill and the elderly and say: you're on your own, deal with it? Why are caregivers looked down on and/or avoid as if we had the plague? As if our compassion were somehow contagious and that it would be a bad thing if someone were to catch it? Care facilities charge upwards of $5000 a year (plus add-ons) to care for our loved ones. Loved ones who had been paying maybe a grand total of $500 a month living on their own. When I worked in HR consulting there were care facilities I assisted. I know what they pay their people - let's not kid ourselves many of these places are out to make a profit. Sometimes I think they charge this much so that they can then turn around and bill Medicaid that much in a screw the government kind of way.And the sad thing is the administrators may not even be aware of it having convinced themselves that they are helping people. So ...

It's been over a year since I last posted on this blog. So it is probably safe to assume that the three or four of you who had been following this are gone and I am writing to myself. But hey, that's what writers do ... at least for the first draft, or six. In any case - short version - my mother's dementia has gotten worse and she has moved in with me. So I have been blogging on a caregiver's website instead of here, since most of what I have had to say has been about her and her illness and the struggle to manage that and a full-time job. That's not what I want to talk to you about today however (aren't you relieved? C'mon be honest). What I want to talk about tonight is a simple, old phrase worn out by time and for many no longer containing any meaning: why can't we all just get along? I have started reading an interesting couple of books. Bigger Table: Building a Messy, Authentic and Hopeful Spiritual Community  and Building a Bridge: How t...

The little guy showed up one day in late May/early June. About six months old give or take according to his size and overall kitten demeanor. Cute little face that looked so much like Bonsai's had at that age and him gone only six months. It seemed this little guy had been sent to me by Bon. Sadly, I couldn't save him as I had Bon's pregnant mama (Baby) and therefore Bon and his siblings.  No. Buddy - so named because of the way he followed me all around the yard, my little buddy - used all of his nine lives at once.  Who knows where he really came from? Probably dumped (or his mama was) in the park a few blocks away. He didn't know how to play, how to interact with humans really only that I seemed nice and fed him. Wasn't too keen on being picked up unless it was to show him something interesting (such as the bird feeder). But he was learning. Every morning he had breakfast on my deck and then we'd play chase the stick with a willow branch. I c...

So what do YOU want to be when you grow up?  I have no idea either.  I should since technically I am in the midst of that dreaded condition known as "middle age". But nope, I haven't a clue. I've had a variety of jobs since turning 15 - delivered newspapers, worked retail, clerical work in a legal office, broadcasting.... yadda, yadda, yadda. Through it all I still haven't found my "calling". Which begs the question.... is the concept of a "calling" a myth? A lie we tell ourselves? Do we strive to reinvent ourselves because we can't find our "calling" or because we are just plain bored? I'm not bored. That much I do know for certain. I'm too busy to be bored. Burned out maybe. I am not happy with my life whatever the reason. Work isn't as satisfying as it should/could be. Eight years ago (nearly nine) I embarked on a new path - set out to find a new career. And I found one. I was excited. I was...

Not all of us were part of "the" clique in school. Some of us weren't part of a clique at all. We were loners, geeks, nerds... those odd kids in the corner, at the end of the lunch table. We were the fat kids, the scrawny kids, the unathletic kids. The brains, dorks, creeps... the outcasts. And we developed a sense of self-doubt to go with our awkwardness. And that doubt still lingers... Of course the "in crowd" had its own version of self-doubt. Hiding behind the popularity, afraid that someone would notice how scared they were underneath and how not "perfect" they truly were. And that doubt still lingers... We all have periods of self-doubt. For most of us they are fleeting. But for some, perhaps even many self-doubt is a constant companion. But let's not confuse self-doubt with low self-esteem they aren't the same thing and don't always hang out in tandem. Psychology Today - like many publications on the topic - blames the paren...

I may be repeating myself but it bears repeating... We've all seen the news reports. Black persons dying in custody or being shot or injured by police officers. The Black Lives Matter movement ( #BlackLivesMatter ) interrupting political rallies or matching in the streets. The response of All Lives Matter only serving to upset those trying to make a point with Black Lives Matter. I am appalled by what I am seeing, horrified even. But the really unnerving thing is: I really do not understand. I do not understand why after all this time, this nation is still struggling with and denying racial prejudice. Why can't we move beyond this stupid - apparently ingrained - dislike/hatred/fear of anyone who looks/acts/believes differently than "we" do? Toddlers do not come with built-in hate of someone with a different skin color. They seem fascinated by it at first then rapidly get over it and move to playing and giggling. They roughest thing they get into is that-t...

Every day a little more of my mother is gone. She doesn't have dementia but she is so frightened that she is fading away anyway, giving up. This is a woman whose automatic response is the glass is not only half empty, it is broken on the floor in a thousand pieces. She has no confidence. She has herself convinced that she is no longer capable of doing anything. Yet the "funny" thing is that she does not want to take a cognitive test for driving ability because she is afraid "they" will take away her license. She can drive just fine. I have ridden with her and haven't seen any problems. The root of this current situation lies in our trip to see her sister in June. She saw Aunt Theresa and how far she has slid into her Alzheimer's and Mom has herself convinced that this is what is happening to her. It is not, but you can't tell her that... she will not listen. This is the same woman, after all, who had herself convinced that she was going ...

For those who think that answering questions is easy, no big deal, try doing that for two hours straight when your brain is bound and determined to undermine anything and everything you are trying to say. That's what Mom experienced yesterday. We drove almost two hours to OSU Wexner - Martha Morehouse Tower, 7th Floor neurology clinic - and for two hours she answered cognitive testing questions and I answered questions about her emotions, state of mind, depression and anxiety for the both us (yes, I am in therapy but that's another story) and set parameters of what she might/should remember over the last month plus questions about her emotional health/state of mind. Then there is nearly the two hours drive back to Lima. I actually fell asleep while driving back. For about 3 seconds. I don't think she noticed. At least I hope not. So we pulled off in a rest area outside of Bellefontaine so I could take a 20 minute power-catnap. I can do that, I realize a lot of peo...

Tomorrow is visit #1 for the clinical trial Mom has been accepted into in Columbus. To save my sanity, what's left of it (thank you kitties), I am going to blog my way through this journey. The study is being conducted by Merck . The drug in question (MK-8931 aka SCH 900931) is designed to treat Alzheimer's rather than Primary Progressive Aphasia , which Mom actually has - but PPA is rare (approximately 40,000 nationwide in 2013). And her sort isn't too common within that group being the logopenic variant . There are a limited number of research centers in the U.S. that are even looking at PPA. Northwestern in Chicago is the closest. Mayo Clinic is another and UC San Francisco is the third. That's pretty much it, so nothing nearby. And since PPA is rare, the research money goes to the greater "need", the larger population base. I understand that, it makes a kind of mercenary sense - it's good business. But despite my understanding the way things ...

So you want to volunteer for something, for some organization. It is a cause you are passionate about. You live it, you breathe it and you have tons of experience in an area that they can use. Before you jump in with both feet, all bright and shiny... stop and think. Volunteering is a lot like the office - there are politics. If you think for one minute that everyone is going to get along, that everything will be all sunshine and togetherness for the cause that's really nice Pollyanna but you're kidding yourself. People who are passionate about things are also very protective. Of their turf, their contributions, their ... whatever. It should be all about the cause (fighting cancer, saving whales/puppies/seals, etc.) but many times it isn't. If you're competent and you make something look easy and it is a something that gets attention in some way - someone will want to take that away from you because you seem to be having fun and getting all the attention.  ...

I think it is fairly safe to say that most of us are bad at one thing, the same thing in fact - especially if we are female, more so if we are female and over the age of 40. We are bad at taking care of ourselves. I have to try to learn to do this ... no, more than try I have to learn to take care of myself and apply that learning every single day. Talk about Mission Impossible. Like many my age, I am becoming the caregiver for my aging parent. A parent with a degenerative brain disease that there is no treatment for, little research being done about and is pretty rare. It is called primary progressive aphasia . This disease is stealing my mother's use of language. Her speech, her ability to write - all of it. It attacks the language center of the brain, sets up house and settles in. It is related in pathology to Alzheimer's so the going though is well let's treat it with the same meds ... not helpful. Pretty useless in fact. And, get this, she wasn't sick enoug...

I miss writing. Maybe you miss reading what I write. Maybe not. I only have 2 actual followers for this blog through the page itself so perhaps NO ONE is out there reading this... of course if I cross-post to Facebook people can read it there without having to "follow" the blog itself. Isn't that cheating?  I was "chatting" with an old friend the other day about blogging and becoming a professional blogger. Face it, 2 - count 'em 2! - followers is hardly a roaring endorsement of the potential here. But we also talked about having a theme. I sort of do... or thought I did. Space. Cats. Pawprints From Space. Yet mostly this is a place to rant about life, the universe and everything. Oh wait "the universe" that's SPACE!! But I digress (which was once a wonderful column in the Comic Buyer's Guide by the marvelous Peter David. I wonder if it still is?), a theme, a focus, a purpose.... or just say what the hell and be me. You kno...

In a word: ARGH In today's world given the prevalence of social media and how easy it is to connect, many feel compelled not to simply connect but also to criticize, berate, be hateful, nasty and so on. It is far easier to be a snarky jackass online when you don't have to look the other person in the eye and say it to their face. It is far too easy to bash what others believe in, feel entitled to jump to the conclusion that no one other than you has any idea what the hell they are doing. You can insult, bully, harass and badger to your heart's content. You can spew hate every which way and cast your political views far and wide all while taking the holier than thou path to your own personal view of salvation and the hell (literally) with anyone who dares to disagree. It is also far too easy for the generous and kind-hearted to get sucked in by people pretending to be a friend when in actuality they are nothing more than a parasite looking to take advantage of s...

There have been changes. They are still painful and wounds will take time to heal. I like to think I will be able to extend forgiveness but I will not forget and there are certain folk I will never trust again. And that is sad.   When you give your heart and soul to something, at the expense of yourself no less, and work for over four years to improve conditions, perceptions and so forth only to have the very people you brought in to help because of their talents and skills only to have those same people turn on you and demand your departure ... it hurts.   And you worry.   You worry about what will happen and already in less than a month you can see the backsliding happening. You see the drop off in social media presence for example - down by 60% on the Facebook page stats. Why? Because one thing you used to do (as a volunteer mind you!) was keep the message in front of the public. You spent hours every night on the computer keeping on top of messaging....