Pawprints From Space

The little guy showed up one day in late May/early June. About six months old give or take according to his size and overall kitten demeanor. Cute little face that looked so much like Bonsai's had at that age and him gone only six months. It seemed this little guy had been sent to me by Bon. Sadly, I couldn't save him as I had Bon's pregnant mama (Baby) and therefore Bon and his siblings.  No. Buddy - so named because of the way he followed me all around the yard, my little buddy - used all of his nine lives at once.  Who knows where he really came from? Probably dumped (or his mama was) in the park a few blocks away. He didn't know how to play, how to interact with humans really only that I seemed nice and fed him. Wasn't too keen on being picked up unless it was to show him something interesting (such as the bird feeder). But he was learning. Every morning he had breakfast on my deck and then we'd play chase the stick with a willow branch. I c...

So what do YOU want to be when you grow up?  I have no idea either.  I should since technically I am in the midst of that dreaded condition known as "middle age". But nope, I haven't a clue. I've had a variety of jobs since turning 15 - delivered newspapers, worked retail, clerical work in a legal office, broadcasting.... yadda, yadda, yadda. Through it all I still haven't found my "calling". Which begs the question.... is the concept of a "calling" a myth? A lie we tell ourselves? Do we strive to reinvent ourselves because we can't find our "calling" or because we are just plain bored? I'm not bored. That much I do know for certain. I'm too busy to be bored. Burned out maybe. I am not happy with my life whatever the reason. Work isn't as satisfying as it should/could be. Eight years ago (nearly nine) I embarked on a new path - set out to find a new career. And I found one. I was excited. I was...

Not all of us were part of "the" clique in school. Some of us weren't part of a clique at all. We were loners, geeks, nerds... those odd kids in the corner, at the end of the lunch table. We were the fat kids, the scrawny kids, the unathletic kids. The brains, dorks, creeps... the outcasts. And we developed a sense of self-doubt to go with our awkwardness. And that doubt still lingers... Of course the "in crowd" had its own version of self-doubt. Hiding behind the popularity, afraid that someone would notice how scared they were underneath and how not "perfect" they truly were. And that doubt still lingers... We all have periods of self-doubt. For most of us they are fleeting. But for some, perhaps even many self-doubt is a constant companion. But let's not confuse self-doubt with low self-esteem they aren't the same thing and don't always hang out in tandem. Psychology Today - like many publications on the topic - blames the paren...

I may be repeating myself but it bears repeating... We've all seen the news reports. Black persons dying in custody or being shot or injured by police officers. The Black Lives Matter movement ( #BlackLivesMatter ) interrupting political rallies or matching in the streets. The response of All Lives Matter only serving to upset those trying to make a point with Black Lives Matter. I am appalled by what I am seeing, horrified even. But the really unnerving thing is: I really do not understand. I do not understand why after all this time, this nation is still struggling with and denying racial prejudice. Why can't we move beyond this stupid - apparently ingrained - dislike/hatred/fear of anyone who looks/acts/believes differently than "we" do? Toddlers do not come with built-in hate of someone with a different skin color. They seem fascinated by it at first then rapidly get over it and move to playing and giggling. They roughest thing they get into is that-t...

Every day a little more of my mother is gone. She doesn't have dementia but she is so frightened that she is fading away anyway, giving up. This is a woman whose automatic response is the glass is not only half empty, it is broken on the floor in a thousand pieces. She has no confidence. She has herself convinced that she is no longer capable of doing anything. Yet the "funny" thing is that she does not want to take a cognitive test for driving ability because she is afraid "they" will take away her license. She can drive just fine. I have ridden with her and haven't seen any problems. The root of this current situation lies in our trip to see her sister in June. She saw Aunt Theresa and how far she has slid into her Alzheimer's and Mom has herself convinced that this is what is happening to her. It is not, but you can't tell her that... she will not listen. This is the same woman, after all, who had herself convinced that she was going ...

For those who think that answering questions is easy, no big deal, try doing that for two hours straight when your brain is bound and determined to undermine anything and everything you are trying to say. That's what Mom experienced yesterday. We drove almost two hours to OSU Wexner - Martha Morehouse Tower, 7th Floor neurology clinic - and for two hours she answered cognitive testing questions and I answered questions about her emotions, state of mind, depression and anxiety for the both us (yes, I am in therapy but that's another story) and set parameters of what she might/should remember over the last month plus questions about her emotional health/state of mind. Then there is nearly the two hours drive back to Lima. I actually fell asleep while driving back. For about 3 seconds. I don't think she noticed. At least I hope not. So we pulled off in a rest area outside of Bellefontaine so I could take a 20 minute power-catnap. I can do that, I realize a lot of peo...

Tomorrow is visit #1 for the clinical trial Mom has been accepted into in Columbus. To save my sanity, what's left of it (thank you kitties), I am going to blog my way through this journey. The study is being conducted by Merck . The drug in question (MK-8931 aka SCH 900931) is designed to treat Alzheimer's rather than Primary Progressive Aphasia , which Mom actually has - but PPA is rare (approximately 40,000 nationwide in 2013). And her sort isn't too common within that group being the logopenic variant . There are a limited number of research centers in the U.S. that are even looking at PPA. Northwestern in Chicago is the closest. Mayo Clinic is another and UC San Francisco is the third. That's pretty much it, so nothing nearby. And since PPA is rare, the research money goes to the greater "need", the larger population base. I understand that, it makes a kind of mercenary sense - it's good business. But despite my understanding the way things ...

So you want to volunteer for something, for some organization. It is a cause you are passionate about. You live it, you breathe it and you have tons of experience in an area that they can use. Before you jump in with both feet, all bright and shiny... stop and think. Volunteering is a lot like the office - there are politics. If you think for one minute that everyone is going to get along, that everything will be all sunshine and togetherness for the cause that's really nice Pollyanna but you're kidding yourself. People who are passionate about things are also very protective. Of their turf, their contributions, their ... whatever. It should be all about the cause (fighting cancer, saving whales/puppies/seals, etc.) but many times it isn't. If you're competent and you make something look easy and it is a something that gets attention in some way - someone will want to take that away from you because you seem to be having fun and getting all the attention.  ...

I think it is fairly safe to say that most of us are bad at one thing, the same thing in fact - especially if we are female, more so if we are female and over the age of 40. We are bad at taking care of ourselves. I have to try to learn to do this ... no, more than try I have to learn to take care of myself and apply that learning every single day. Talk about Mission Impossible. Like many my age, I am becoming the caregiver for my aging parent. A parent with a degenerative brain disease that there is no treatment for, little research being done about and is pretty rare. It is called primary progressive aphasia . This disease is stealing my mother's use of language. Her speech, her ability to write - all of it. It attacks the language center of the brain, sets up house and settles in. It is related in pathology to Alzheimer's so the going though is well let's treat it with the same meds ... not helpful. Pretty useless in fact. And, get this, she wasn't sick enoug...

I miss writing. Maybe you miss reading what I write. Maybe not. I only have 2 actual followers for this blog through the page itself so perhaps NO ONE is out there reading this... of course if I cross-post to Facebook people can read it there without having to "follow" the blog itself. Isn't that cheating?  I was "chatting" with an old friend the other day about blogging and becoming a professional blogger. Face it, 2 - count 'em 2! - followers is hardly a roaring endorsement of the potential here. But we also talked about having a theme. I sort of do... or thought I did. Space. Cats. Pawprints From Space. Yet mostly this is a place to rant about life, the universe and everything. Oh wait "the universe" that's SPACE!! But I digress (which was once a wonderful column in the Comic Buyer's Guide by the marvelous Peter David. I wonder if it still is?), a theme, a focus, a purpose.... or just say what the hell and be me. You kno...

In a word: ARGH In today's world given the prevalence of social media and how easy it is to connect, many feel compelled not to simply connect but also to criticize, berate, be hateful, nasty and so on. It is far easier to be a snarky jackass online when you don't have to look the other person in the eye and say it to their face. It is far too easy to bash what others believe in, feel entitled to jump to the conclusion that no one other than you has any idea what the hell they are doing. You can insult, bully, harass and badger to your heart's content. You can spew hate every which way and cast your political views far and wide all while taking the holier than thou path to your own personal view of salvation and the hell (literally) with anyone who dares to disagree. It is also far too easy for the generous and kind-hearted to get sucked in by people pretending to be a friend when in actuality they are nothing more than a parasite looking to take advantage of s...

There have been changes. They are still painful and wounds will take time to heal. I like to think I will be able to extend forgiveness but I will not forget and there are certain folk I will never trust again. And that is sad.   When you give your heart and soul to something, at the expense of yourself no less, and work for over four years to improve conditions, perceptions and so forth only to have the very people you brought in to help because of their talents and skills only to have those same people turn on you and demand your departure ... it hurts.   And you worry.   You worry about what will happen and already in less than a month you can see the backsliding happening. You see the drop off in social media presence for example - down by 60% on the Facebook page stats. Why? Because one thing you used to do (as a volunteer mind you!) was keep the message in front of the public. You spent hours every night on the computer keeping on top of messaging....

The more things change the more they stay the same.   The mid-term elections are over. The Republicans have a majority in the Senate, but not a super majority, and they retained control of the House. On the surface you might think this will mean that things will now get done.   Nope. Without that super majority the factions will have to work together. The House knows this finally and bipartisan legislation has actually passed over there. But on the other side of Capital Hill ... well that's where bills went to die. The Democrats had a majority but not a super majority and the Republicans didn't feel like cooperating. The table has flipped around now. Does anyone really think that the Democrats are going to be inclined to play nice with the Republicans?   Get ready for more filibustering, more nominations being blocked and more of the same old stuff. The only difference is going to be who is doing the finger pointing. Well, that and the President's first ...

Somewhere along the line we all had an adult (or two) in our childhood who gave us a very simple life lesson: "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". This went hand in glove with the axiom known as The Golden Rule: "treat others as you would wish to be treated" or at a basic level: "be nice" and practice "good manners". These lessons make for a polite society.  "Polite" doesn't have to mean bland, it doesn't mean we can't have lively discussions and differences of opinions. It doesn't mean we have to like everyone we work with or come in contact with ... but it does mean respect. "Respect" means although we may disagree I have a right to my opinion and you to yours and I respect your opinion. I don't have to agree with it. I can state my opinion and trust that you respect me enough not to stomp all over it, call me names, make threats, point fingers, try to bully me int...

Yeha!! Finally got into this account. Curse you Google!! I swear it is getting as bad as Microsoft snapping up all the apps I am accustomed to using and forcing me to Google-ize them. Yikes!! Presently I am at my usual "watering hole" for Mondays: The Met . You see on Mondays this wonderful gentleman behind the bar comes up with a theme and creates a martini "flight" (three versions) to tempt the senses. Let me tell ya, after a "Monday from hell" (fess up we all have them) this is THE place to be - good food, great conversation (especially with the retired gentleman who can quote every Shakespeare sonnet and then some) at the bar.  Tonight I have had the amazing bread and herbed butter - should have had more food but what the hey. The theme tonight is "When Life Gives You Lemons" a flight of three lemonade inspired martinis. I didn't go for the whole flight - I do have to drive home after all - but tried the basil lemonade. Wow. Just w...

I love science! I adore it, there is SO much to learn about life, the universe and everything. And I am Catholic, so there's the whole belief in God thing going on.  Here's the thing: I don't buy the whole Bible-must-be-taken-literally hooha. In fact I was taught by the brothers in Catholic high school NOT to take the Bible literally -- especially the Old Testament. I was taught that the books of the Bible were written at all different times and that the stories recorded therein are teaching stories -- the way that Jesus taught by parables. Based on oral traditions handed down through generations with a probable bit of truth here and there (since every culture has a flood story that probably happened for example) but not these stories are not literal verbatim archives of what happened down to the minute. I mean come on really did people live to be 900 hundred years old? Seriously? In my classes that notion was one of wisdom not actual years. I was also taught ...

I may have hit my limit today. I say "may" because overall I am a forgiving sort. Not naive - I am no sunshine and roses everything's peachy all the time sort of person. I don't forget but I do forgive and empathize and understand because I can get into another's head and see where they are coming from and why they say and do what they do which leads to forgiveness. But even I have my limits. I am tired. Tired of the sniping, the negativity, the mindset that finds "evil" in the intellect, in being from the East Coast (or West Coast), in believing that caring for the less fortunate is somehow not appropriate for our culture/society, that might makes right and not might for right, that their version of religion is the only right version and that people who are different - that is: not white, not upper middle class, not Christian (their version mind you), not heterosexual, whose first language isn't English, who have piercings or tattoos etc. - hav...

More than once friends and others have asked "why". Why am I still Catholic? As if being a woman, and of a certain "liberal" frame of mind being Catholic is at odds with everything. I don't think it IS at odds. I don't find myself torn. I was raised Catholic. I went to CCD classes during grade school (since I went to public school) and I attended a Catholic high school - my choice, not my family's insistence. I had the opportunity through world religion classes in high school and college to explore other faiths (I learned about transcendental mediation from one of the brothers in high school), to visit temples and synagogues and talk to Buddhist monks, Rabbi's, Islamic scholars, followers of the Hindu faith, various protestant pastors ... and through all of that the more I learned about other faiths the deeper my own became. The more I saw how the faiths of the world are interconnected. We are all part of one family and as with all ...